In these Radiowaves-exclusive articles, legendary presenter Pat Courtenay shares his views, ideas, experience, and tips with our visitors…

This week he reacts in his own inimitable way to a thread on the Radiowaves Forum…..


I had just finished reading the Radiowaves thread that started with an expression of outrage that 98fm could have programmed Tragedy following the News of the Space Shuttle crash. Straight away, I felt an overwhelming need to atone for the guilt of Broadcasters everywhere. What I needed was escapism, so I tuned in to MyOwnMindFM to find it. I was shocked to hear the following News bulletin: [transcript follows]

“Good morning, it’s 8:00. We’re expecting a high today of 12 degrees with a devastating cyclone and a tornado headed for Ourtown. However there are thirty Iraqi warheads due to hit first, so I wouldn’t panic about the weather.

And now, the News.

Washington announces two U2 spy aircraft shot down over Iraq, killing all on board. Bono finally considers name-change for band.

In other name changes, Greenpeace announces plans to rename pilot whales due to what they call, “their obviously crap sense of direction.” Spokeslesbian River Furry-Groin cites the whales’ tendency to bump into large continental land-masses as the reason for the shift in attitude.

The makers of the nightly sillyvision programme Crimewatch are appealing to the Public not to flood their switchboard at tax time claiming to have been victims of theft.
Meanwhile, the Finance Minister has announced that in the wake of budget-cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off.
Addressing the annual Banks for Rich Bastards conference, the Minister said, “A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but let’s not stop telling the punters they can!”

In Sports News, the Minister for Keeping Your Mind Off Real Shit has said that drug-use encourages people to attend terrorist-prone public gatherings.

He has also warned that there will be nowhere to hide for the users of performance-enhancing drugs. In a coffee-induced statement today he stated that, “tripping is a whole new foul these days.”

Don’t forget to join us after the break for an in-depth (snigger) look at the stories behind the News in Shiteline. In tonight’s programme, the War on Terrorism (can you hang your washing on the line of fire?); do some people have children because they can’t have pets; and is a seminary a Weapon of Mass Instruction?


I’m Pat Courtenay and remember…cancer cures smoking.

Good night.”

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